Convenience in Disguise

What do you do when (in)convenience strikes?

While Stephen and I were headed south from Indianapolis back home to Nashville, I used the convenience of my BlackBerry to connect to CNN to catch up on some headlines, since I didn't have a chance to get online before we left. As I peered into my small digital window to the rest of the world, I found this headline:

Internet failure hits two continents

I read the article and discovered that a large cable in the Mediterranean had been snapped, and many digital services came to a standstill in parts of the Middle East and Asia.

I began to wonder what would happen if our technological infrastructure in the US also suffered a similar, accidental fate. I wondered what might happen if I couldn't log on to check email or play Scrabulous or read blogs. What if I couldn't see how many people had visited my blog today or I couldn't see how many minutes I've used on my cell phone? What if I couldn't catch up on headlines or approve MySpace friend requests? What would I do?

And then, thanks again to the handy utilities on my functioning phone, I checked the weather.

Around the time of the outage, it was 77 in Dubai, 72 in Doha, 77 in Riyadh, and 72 in Kuwait.

I wonder how many executives and business types over there were refreshing their browsers, restarting their machines or yelling into phones in tall office buildings in these cities. I wonder how many were upset they couldn't get work done and vented about it to anyone they thought might listen. I wonder how many ignored the fact that the weather was darn near perfect outside.

I wonder how many missed the convenience of not being able to do something because they were focused on the inconvenience of not being able to do something.

A lot of inconveniences in our life (nearly all of the ones related to our modern technology) are really just conveniences in disguise. The inconvenience of not getting a cell signal is really a convenience of being able to enjoy silence. The inconvenience of a depleted iPod battery is actually the convenience of being able to have a conversation. The inconvenience of a traffic jam is just the convenience of being able to listen to the news on NPR or call an old friend.

We so easily buy new toys and gadgets, thinking they're the very things that will allow us to save time in an effort to use all that saved time to build relationships or volunteer. We think that the convenience of our digital tools will allow us to eliminate the inconvenience of not being able to have any time for the things we enjoy doing. And then, when our items that promise convenience become inconvenient by not working, we immediately become inconvenienced by focusing on their inconvenience, and then ignore the convenience being offered in the form of a break from the norm. We miss the convenience truly created by these items that promise so much convenience. In other words, our tools of convenience sometimes only give us that when they break.

So, the next time your iPhone won't turn on or your laptop won't boot up quickly, or your Internet doesn't work, give thanks to the digital gods. You've just been conveniently gifted with the chance to have a conversation, read a book or walk in the park.

What Must Be Protected

Democracies allow people to disagree.

There's an article from the BBC today that no one read. It's about a protest that happened in Afghanistan and is well worth the four minutes it will take you to read it.

By now, we've all heard of Afghanistan, even if 90% of us can't find it on a map. And, whether or not you agree with the American invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq, whether you believe what you saw in Charlie Wilson's War, whether or not you enjoyed The Kite Runner, one thing is clear: The right to peacefully disagree must be protected around the world.

Many global conflicts are a result of one group disagreeing with another. Some of these disagreements turn violent. In order to get a point across, one group kidnaps members of the other group. Or opens fire on the group that is voicing their disagreement. Or uses ethnic cleansing as a method of silencing a disgruntled voice.

And, whatever you think of US military might, the fact remains that the US is the only nation in the world with the capabilities and resources to go around protecting peaceful disagreement.

While such resources might currently be used to protect oil fields or keep a physical presence somewhere, I can very quickly get behind any cause that aims to protect the right of any individual to express disagreement. Tell me that force is necessary to stop a group from killing another due to a difference of opinion, and I'll stand behind that decision. Show me how unilateral intervention will allow a minority faction to voice their concern, and I may even show up to fight with you. Explain to me how you'll be allowing women in Afghanistan to protest the capture of an American aid worker and I'll write a check, tell my friends, and pledge my support.

One of the most meaningful and patriotic experiences of my life happened in April 2006, when I and thousands of others gathered in Washington, D.C. to voice our concern regarding the genocide in Darfur, Sudan. We peacefully gathered steps from where our elected officials work in order to tell them that we’d like them to do something about this.

Many folks in other countries don't have this luxury. But they must.

So you can talk about providing jobs, opening trade lines and promoting democracy all you want. But in the end, if a minority group can't tell their leaders why they disagree, or can't ask for the intervention of their government, or can't plea for equality, then have we really improved anything?

I haven't believed there was much progress happening in Afghanistan until I read today's article. And then these quotes jumped out:

Rallies by women are rare in Afghanistan, and all the more so in the conservative southern city of Kandahar where 49-year-old Ms Mizell and her driver Muhammad Hadi were kidnapped from a residential neighbourhood.

Some 500 to 600 women, many wearing the burqa, gathered in a wedding hall on Tuesday for prayers and speeches calling on government officials to work for the captives' release.

But a guy can hope.

Allow someone to disagree with you today. Vote for someone next week that will allow people to disagree with him or her and then work across lines and divides for a solution that is best for everyone. Experience the rich tapestry of humanity that is the difference of opinion, and always fight for the right to be able to peacefully disagree.

What Should I Do With My Life?

It's the title of a book I read. And it's also a great question for many of us.

Yes, it's a question many folks are asking. But it's also the title of a book I just finished.

Po Bronson's work is long, but it might be worth your while if you're looking for stories about individuals who have dared to answer the title question. The stories are all engaging, and many seem ordinary. But in their ordinariness is where many of us can find direction.

Bronson interview countless people while working on this book. He traveled and listened to stories, some of them heartbreaking, all in an attempt to show the reader how many paths unfolded for people who own catfish farms, work as lawyers, and teach school.

Even though some of these quotes are ripped from their context, these are worth sharing as they got me thinking:

Many people use the dream-job-or-nothing goal as a way of ensuring their dreams are never challenged by reality - by hoping for too much, they can preserve their dream as a perfect fantasy. (page 13)

Passion is infectious - so few people have it for their work that when you do glimpse it, it makes an indelible impression. (page 15)

We live in a rich country, so rich that we're blessed with the ultimate privilege: to be true to our individual nature. Our economy is so vast that we don't have to grind it out forever at jobs we hate. For the most part, we get to choose. And so a status system has evolved that values being unique and true even more than it values being financially successful. (page 20)

We all have passions if we choose to see them. But we have to look backward even more than forward, and we have to chase away our preconceptions of what we think our passion is supposed to be, or not supposed to be. (page 37)

People have this stupid fantasy that if you're the creator, or the inventor, of the artist, you hand over your creation to businessmen and cash the royalty checks. That's a fantasy. It's irresponsible to their gift. If you have a gift, you should take care of it. (page 42)

The same goes for figuring out your place in life. It's not a puzzle that can be figured out on paper. You have to try something, see if it works, and learn from it. (page 46)

The conclusion that brain candy is not enough is probably the most threatening to our generation's belief system. In this belief system, the world is a battle between the Boring and the Stimulating. We channel-surf through jobs and relationships, pushing the button at the first hint of slowing down. Like Lori, we've rejected the compromises of our parents' generation, who sought safety and security. Anyone who comes along and murmurs that "stimulation is not everything" is quickly tuned out, because we don't want to hear it anymore. (page 47)

The relevant question is not what you will do, but who you will become. (page 48)

We can worship saints, but we can't emulate them. I would rather hear how the weak of will end up doing some good. (page 92)

For all those who were morally troubled by their work, it surprised me how few ever considered simply switching sides. (page 95)

The hardest thing about doing the right thing for yourself is you usually have to do it alone. (page 96)

If you need to summon the will to make a change, don't debate ethics. Get personal. If you don't believe in the integrity of your profession, you can debate the ethics of it forever and never do anything. But if you define the personal toll it's taking, it hits a lot closer to home. (page 102)

If I was financially independent, I would never have to take work I didn't want to do. But to become financially independent, I had to take work I didn't want to do. (page 113)

Failure's hard, but success is far more dangerous. If you're successful at the wrong thing, the mix of praise and money and opportunity can lock you in forever. It is so, so much harder to leave a good thing. (page 114)

If you have a passion then making your dream come true is so easy compared to the hard part. (page 144)

People have a natural tendency not to work on problems where they can't make a difference. (page 162)

Passion is really a complex organic chemistry between an individual and her job that isn't replicable or mass-producible. (page 174)

Intensity is external; passion invokes something inside you. It's a call-and-response with your soul. It's not just adrenaline. (page 175)

I'm not saying the community is everything, but it makes success possible. (page 236)

Don't doubt your desire because it comes to you as a whisper. (page 268)

The things we really want to do are usually the ones that scare us the most. The things you'll not feel conflicted about are the choices that leave no one hurt. (page 268)

You want to know where your fears are hiding? Tell me what you know about yourself. Tell me what you can't live without. (page 282)

Many of our fears and misconceptions about our careers stem from our fears and misconceptions about being a parent. (page 307)

But I'd rather help than watch. I'd rather have a heart than have a mind. I'd rather expose too much than too little. I'd rather say hello to strangers than be afraid of them. I would rather know all this about myself than have more money than I need. I'd rather have something to love than a way to impress you. (page 360)

Finding what we should do is one of life's great dramas. It can be an endless process of discovery, one to be appreciated and respected for its difficulty. (page 362)

Passion is rooted in deeply felt experiences, which can happen anywhere. (page 365)

Running with Eddie

What's it like to really connect with an old friend?

We ran four miles just like we did eight years ago.

There are very few people in life with whom you can meet after years apart and have the same conversations you did when you last met. It is rare that you find people in your life who will always be there – not like a lingering, hovering presence that is overbearing and suffocating (like a sub-prime mortgage). I'm thinking more like that tall oak tree in my backyard – I may not think about it or notice it every day, but it ain't going anywhere.

That's Eddie.

Eddie was the guy I looked up to for 10 weeks during the summer of 2000. He was older than me and had spent many summers traveling around the south running sports camps. I was a rookie; he was a fossil. I was outspoken; he was introverted. But, what developed was a friendship that has remained strong over the course of seven and half years, even though I've only seem him thrice over that time period.

I was in Houston last week to give a talk and had some time to visit with Eddie and his wife. Instead of catching up on minutia and recounting tales of the last 2 years (the last time we were together) over coffee or a beer, Eddie had a different idea: go for a jog.

That's Eddie.

He doesn't meet and catch up where most of us would – a restaurant, a bar, a coffee shop, or an office. He wants to hear what's been going on as you trod four miles on a jogging trail.

Luckily, I came prepared with my shoes and shorts and off we went, Eddie directing me on a pathway through the neighborhoods and streets near his office. And as we ran, it was as if we were going for a jaunt like we did in Campbellsville, Kentucky or Tifton, Georgia. It was like we were running back in time, to a date long ago when we were both unmarried and uncertain of where we'd be in eight years. It was like it was that summer when we lived out of a suitcase and traveled around with 18 other idealistic do-gooders.

As we jogged, we talked about our marriages, the decisions we'd made that led us to where we were, our dreams for where we'd be eight years from now, and what it would be like when one or both of us were fathers – you know, stuff that matters.

That's Eddie.

He has the unique ability not just to transport you back to what it was like way back then, but the magic skill to take you to a place down the road, to where you're becoming, to the goals you'd like to achieve and the difference you'd like to make. In that sense, then, it was like I was running to somewhere eight years in the past and eight years in the future at the same time. I was on a metaphysical treadmill, not going anywhere exactly, but still covering the entire gamut of my mind, my hopes and my dreams, my past and my future, all while pounding the pavement for four miles.

Eddies are rare in our life. Even though it's easier than ever to find people nowadays with our social networking sites and search engines, that connection (both digital and real) is still loaded with apprehension and anxiety. Even if we find where that long-lost friend is, we're hesitant to reach out, afraid that if we do, we'll shatter the memory of who they were, who we were, and who we were together.

And so we're somehow content with goodbye. We're okay with letting a relationship end and allowing ourselves to drift apart to nonexistence. We kid ourselves into thinking it's better that way, that the deep bonds forged in a summer of hard work could never be as strong during the other seasons of our lives, such as school, work, marriage and adulthood.

And so we decide to sit on the proverbial relationship couch, always daydreaming about a time that was and hoping for a time that could be, but never will. Instead, we should force ourselves to get off the couch, strap on our relational running shoes and be willing to go a few miles backwards and forwards at the same time.

Scroll through your internal phone book on your cell phone. Who have you not spoken to in ages? Call them.

When was the last time you sent a letter – an actual, hand-written letter – to anyone? Find an address and do it.

Google your childhood friend. Find their email address and reintroduce yourself. Commit to the long emails that will follow as you catch up on what's happened in the last 30 years.

Dare yourself to become a friend again.

Intentional Poverty

Can you live your life in a way that matters to others?

Poverty's a big word. It's not that long or even particularly difficult to pronounce. But, it's heavy and has various meanings throughout the world.

But, it's crucial that we begin to understand it if we're going to be so bold as to fight it.

There's a long list of upper class do-gooders who have tried to do their part to make a difference, give back, and help out. They've written checks at elegant galas or raised funds from well-meaning corporations all in an attempt to placate an ever-growing problem. But, a lot of these attempts merely put band-aids on an ever-festering wound that needed immediate and intense surgery to remedy.

Others of us who aren't living in the upper echelons of society want to make a difference as well. We see the homeless man asking for change outside of the post office, we see the woman with the cardboard sign as we pump our gas, and we hear stories of countless others who are down on their luck, out of a job, and just a few dollars away from death.

The most compassionate among us reach for a quarter or maybe even a five-dollar bill, praying our kindness won't be wasted on booze or meth, and that our giving can result in someone else's getting to where they need to be until they can be a little better off – a little more like us.

But what if, instead of hoping and helping someone to be like us, we became like them?

There are a few programs and immersion experiences that allow individuals – mainly college students – to spend a weekend or a week living on the streets. Just like the forgotten segments of our society, these people eschew the modern conveniences that we all take for granted and sleep on concrete, beg for change, and hope they'll have enough to eat.

While admirable and insightful, many of us don't need to go that far. Indeed, many of us can't go that far. We simply don't have the time or the courage to do what it takes to truly know what it's like to be one of them.

And so, faced with a decision of all or nothing, we choose nothing and go back to having it all – a big house, a huge TV, more food than we'll ever eat and more comfort than we deserve. We'll store the thought of being like them deep in our minds, allowing it only to surface the next time we offer a hand out in an attempt to make them like us.

Or, perhaps we could temper our own temptation to be more like us and allow ourselves to be a little less like us and a little more like them. Perhaps, we could live below our income to see what life's really like for a lot of Americans. Perhaps we could take a vow of intentional poverty in an effort to live simply so that others may simply live.

We could buy less stuff and junk that we'll only end up tossing out in a few months.

We could get rid of satellite TV and use the money to buy meals at a local homeless shelter.

We could downsize our homes and get by with as little as possible.

We could throw off the shackles of our digital tools that promise convenience but instead take our attention and focus that attention on getting those living in poverty the tools they need to succeed.

We could buy things used and improve our environmental impact.

We could sponsor the dreams of someone else.

Because we all want the rags-to-riches story. But a lot of us find ourselves in neither camp. We didn't come from rags and we certainly don't have riches. So, what's a girl or guy to do when they want the Cinderella story to come true in their own life?

The answer is simple: Be the fairy godmother.

There are ample chances out there for all of us to work a little magic and help make the dreams of budding inner-city entrepreneurs some true. With a little sacrifice on our part, we can provide the tools and skills needed for many individuals to work their way up the ladder and out of the cycle of poverty. We can do what we must in order to give others what they need.

And it all starts with out ability to understand the situation of another, by living a life of intentional poverty.

Better Icebreaker Question #4

What's your high and low?

We've all been in those awful situations where we have to go around the room and introduce ourselves and answer some stupid question. Or those times when someone from the stage is facilitating group activities and we have to go around and introduce ourselves to everyone. No one likes to do those things, especially given the questions we're forced to answer.

And because I hate those crappy questions so much, I'm here to offer you an alternative for discussion starters, silence fillers, and introduction topics.

Why this question is a good one:
We've been trying to come up with questions that allow people to tell stories, because stories make us remember better. Stories convey information in a way that we remember because there are distinct parts to the information shared, such as a beginning, an end, a conflict and its resolution.

And, so, this question about high points and low points always comes with a story attached.

This is a question my family has been doing for years, after my mom saw The Story of Us and declared that the only redeeming feature of the entire film was this dinner-table ritual. Since then, we've incorporated it into our Sunday brunches, our vacations, our holiday meals, and nearly any other gathering that provides time for sharing and updates.

I've used this question in my weekly meetings with teenagers and in church gatherings. At first, many attendees are a bit apprehensive, but over the course of a few weeks, once they begin to see that this is a staple and a routine, many even begin to come prepared with an answer.

One of the best things about this question is that it allows for coworkers and colleagues to see the life side of peoples' work/life balance. You begin to hear about someone else's trip to the mall, a kid's soccer game, a humorous anecdote about grocery shopping or driving, a deep story about meeting someone for the first time, a horror story about a date, or anything else that happens to us outside of our working hours. In essence, this question allows us to see that there are real people at our conferences and staff meetings. This then helps shape how we communicate during the rest of our time together.

We begin our time at the story each week with this simple question. We then go around the circle allowing each person to answer the question as he or she chooses. We hear about how someone hates their job, we hear about the mother that is coming for a visit, and we hear about the great concert someone went to. We hear about life. And that's really what we're all running around trying to find: some other people to live experience with.

So, this is a great, albeit disarming and nearly intimate, question, which is why we've saved it for last. Dare to peel back the bureaucratic layers of corporate isolation and professionalism and open your meetings and gatherings with honest confession of what life is like on the outside. We promise that the risk of vulnerability is well worth the reward of getting to know someone a little bit better.

Possible pitfalls:
As I've alluded to, this question works best in settings where people meet on a regular basis. And, it may take a few times for people to get in the swing of answering it. Therefore, it may not work as well as a workshop where attendees will see each other once and then disperse elsewhere. But, don't let that stop you from trying it. We've been surprised at what people have been willing to share even in settings where they're meeting others for the first time.

So far in this series:
What do you think of the Melting Pot?

What kind of art can you stand?

Who's Your Favorite Fringe Character?

About the series: Better Icebreaker Questions is a series to help you have better meetings, gatherings and conversations. Use these questions during your next staff meeting, neighborhood gathering or first date. Thank my by buying something from this store.

Download the complete guide to better icebreakers today!

Juxtapose My Life

Compare and contrast your life with someone else's.

Today, I went to the most expensive art gallery in the world.

Tucked between Concourse B and C at the Nashville International Airport were a series of about 16 photographs. To be able to see them, you have to have an airline ticket in order to get past security. Thus, I dub it the most expensive art gallery in the world.

Hanging on a white wall where almost no one goes is a series by Jeremy Cowart entitled, "Stars and Suffering: Through the Same Lens." Right next to each other are some of Cowart's pictures of musical artists and his pictures of people suffering in Africa. Each pair provides the starkest of contrasts between the life of musicians who are well known and the life of the Africans that are forgotten.

Pictures of K.T. Tunstall and Mat Kearney appear next to images of Kaska and Danso. There's a musical act next to a young woman named Monifa, who appears to have lost the use of one eye due to some sort of fire or violence that has left a permanent scar. The difference between the first and third worlds have never been more present that in this series.

A lot of times we cry about not having everything we want, even though we've got plenty more than we need. It's ironic that we whine and moan about our own individual deficits when so many more need so much more. We are quick to mourn what we don't have, forgetting to juxtapose our lives next to others who seem to manage despite not having what they really need.

I saw it again once I landed in Houston. Driving though the ritzy Galleria area, bookended by tall hotels and upscale retail outlets, this part of town makes anyone immediately want what's being offered for one high price.

But then, you'll see the man with a tattered McDonald's cup, walking in between lanes of westbound traffic at a stop light, holding a cardboard sign, sharing with any driver who dares not apathetically look away that he has cancer. And a family. And would love just a fraction of what passersby will be spending on a cup of coffee or paying in sales tax for the new sweater that's probably #19 in an ever-expanding closet.

We can find this in any town in America. The next time you're speeding to wherever it is you're heading, look to your left and right on the highway. Chances are, poorer communities were uprooted – no, destroyed – to allow you to get somewhere to make some money. Or, pay attention to the people cleaning $400 hotel rooms, washing $50,000 automobiles or cooking $100 steak dinners.

Our world is one of the haves juxtaposed against the have-nots.

It's a shame that we don't notice this and still finding room to rant. When we juxtapose our luxury against someone else's poverty, our complaints are soon silenced by the reality of our economies. When we juxtapose every part of our day against that of someone completely different than us, we see how big our cultural and societal gaps have become.

It's easy to live a life without juxtaposition. It’s easy to ignore what's right next to us day in and day out because so many things prevent the discipline of juxtaposition:

• We can tune out the plea of the homeless for spare change with the flip of our clickwheel.
• We can navigate away from the BBC story about Darfur to tag our Facebook photos.
• We can skip pass the public service announcements with our magical DVR or TiVo.
• We can forget disparities even exist by surrounding ourselves with people who look just like us.

But by juxtaposing plight with plushness and the bottom of the pyramid with the top of it, we immediately see that the pictures aren't the point at all. The point is that 4 inch gap in between each framed image. That small swath of wall represents the largest gap we've known in the course of human history.

That gap represents the need to stop complaining and start juxtaposing.

Because then, we can start acting.

Behind the Scenes at Austin Fresh Roast

Here's how we get our New Day Blend coffee.

This story could begin in a lot of places.

It could begin with an initial phone call once I sampled some of the beans from the newly formed Austin Fresh Roast (AFR). Or it could begin before that, somewhere at Baylor when Lynnette met Shanna. Or could begin somewhere in between when Jack met Shanna. Or maybe somewhere after all that when a group gathered at my house to sample some coffee and decide on a blend.

At any rate, here goes.

Austin Fresh Roast was started by Jack and Shanna Bauer, two wonderful people who want to save the world. Jack loves coffee and Shanna cares about water. And, since coffee is basically water that has been run through grounded beans, the two seem like a perfect match, right?

Shanna was also the college roommate of my wife, Lynnette, so there's that connection.

Committed to "roasting the best coffee they can create," AFR began just a few short years ago and now offers 12 different blends from all over the world. And, just for CoolPeopleCare, they roast a fairly traded blend so that you can be as bold as your coffee today.

You can learn all about Austin Fresh Roast and order some delicious coffee by checking out their Web site. Or, you can read chapter four of New Day Revolution, where we tell Jack's story about wanting to eventually sell enough coffee to give away all of his profits.

There's a lot of humanity behind everything we do and sell at CoolPeopleCare, so we want to make sure you know about what we do and how we do it. In fact, here's the roaster that makes those beans so delicious:

Vanna White Selling Refrigerators

Just saw your Talk of the Town commercial! Sort of a Vanna White does refrigerators from what I can tell...

That's how a friend of our's described the promo for our two-minute features running this week on "Talk of the Town" -- much to my dismay, because, while I respect the successful American television personality, we'd like to think our video featurettes are a bit deeper than just revealing the next letter clue.

Thankfully, today's two minutes, which talks about the correct temperature for both freezer and refrigerator, aired with nary a Pat Sajak sighting, and hopefully imparted some very simple, yet useful information.

They'll run one each day this week on "Talk of the Town" which airs locally in Nashville at 11:00 a.m.

For those of you too far away for WTVF's signal to reach your rabbit ears, you can catch it online.

Thanks Tuwanda for letting us run with this idea. We hope we can keep running and running. Unlike your energy-efficient refrigerator, of course...

Better Icebreaker Question #3

Who's your favorite fringe character?

We've all been in those awful situations where we have to go around the room and introduce ourselves and answer some stupid question. Or those times when someone from the stage is facilitating group activities and we have to go around and introduce ourselves to everyone. No one likes to do those things, especially given the questions we're forced to answer.

And because I hate those crappy questions so much, I'm here to offer you an alternative for discussion starters, silence fillers, and introduction topics.

Why this question is a good one: Anyone can ask about favorite TV shows, and now more than ever (with the writers' strike) that question might reveal something a little deeper about someone since people will have to dig a bit through their memory banks to remember what TV used to be like.

But with the fringe question, people really begin to rifle through their television highlights. In order to name a fringe character (especially a favorite one) from a show, you have to know the show pretty well. Thus, group members can get a glimpse not just which show you like, but which show you're dedicated to.

And, like all good icebreaker questions, we should usually get a story with this one. We may get to hear about exactly how much television someone watched as a kid (or how much they watch now). Someone may also share how that show makes them remember something in their lives of importance – friends, family, a stage of life, a transition time. Or, we may get a quick story about certain posters of certain main characters that might have hung in bedrooms or lockers.

As a bonus, here are specific variations on the question (along with my answers):

• Who's your favorite male on Sex in the City? (Steve, with Aidan as a close second)
• Who's your favorite adult on Saved by the Bell? (Mr. Belding's brother, Richie – he was a substitute teacher once and his long hair made him seem so much cooler than all of my substitute teachers)
• Who's your favorite patient on Scrubs? (I like the lady who dreams of singing on Broadway – she ultimately dies and sings a Colin Hay song teaching JD about death)
• Who's your favorite friend on Full House? (how can you not like Michelle's friend Teddy?)
• Who's your favorite cameo on Friends? (Bruce Willis did a fine job, but I'll always enjoy Brad Pitt at Thanksgiving)

What this question also teaches is how people observe things. Fringe characters only make brief appearances, even if they have recurring roles. Therefore, it's always interesting to see what people pick up in a brief amount of screen time. The parallel is obvious – we all have fringe characters that dramatically shape our lives. Our worlds could be even richer if we paid as much attention to them as we do to actors who take the stage only briefly on our TV.

Possible pitfalls: Although a lot of people watch TV, not everyone does (believe it or not). And, some people may not be dedicated to TV as much as others. Thus, the term 'fringe character' should be an ambiguous one. One person's Jazzy Jeff may be another person’s Nurse Jennifer (the school nurse that Zack Morris wanted to go out with instead of Kelly). You should also allow other people to uses fringes in other worlds as well (favorite guest musician on a favorite artist's album or favorite fringe character in a novel).

So far in this series:
What do you think of the Melting Pot?
What kind of art can you stand?

About the series: Better Icebreaker Questions is a series to help you have better meetings, gatherings and conversations. Use these questions during your next staff meeting, neighborhood gathering or first date. Thank my by buying something from this store.

Download the complete guide to better icebreakers today!

Thank You, Gandhi

You must become the change you wish to see in the world.

There's a lot of murmuring going on about the word 'change.'

It's sexy of late, especially to a younger, digitized audience. I can change channels, profile pics, radio stations, iPod tunes – nearly anything I want at the click of something.

And so, I can get jaded or dissatisfied when life bogs me down with the real process of change. Things in the real world take real time. Political processes, approval process and biological processes all take time. I then very easily get jaded or dissatisfied with the word 'process' because it signals a lengthy amount of time or even a perceived delay.

But it doesn't mean I'm any less hungry for change. It doesn't mean I don't dream of a better tomorrow any less frequently. Indeed, my hunger for change may only increase due to my belief that change can happen (after all, I change things everyday, remember?). Adding to my witness that change can happen is a hickory-like belief that change should happen. Put these together and I'm resolutely preaching that change must happen.

The trick will be to see who wants to involve me in their change process. Who wants to be Gandhi to me, whispering as I walk that I must be the change I wish to see?

After all, being is process. Identity, like character, isn't easily forged in the actions of an hour, but rather in the commitments of a lifetime. Thus, to be the change I wish to see is much different that doing the change I wish to see.

In fact, I may only succeed at becoming the change I wish to see. Because being is arrival. The circle is complete. The state of being signals accomplishment, like finally landing some sort of job, reputation or social circle. I am something or somewhere.

But the deep discipline of becoming is forged in my daily choices that soon become lifelong habits. How I drink coffee, then, says as much about the change I wish to see as adding a Facebook cause, writing a year-end check, or casting a single vote does.

Being engaged in the process of becoming the change is the journey of a lifetime. Success is not measured in broad swaths of numerical data, but in the depth of stories that emerge from trek that is a life well lived.

So get ready for change. It's gonna take a while.

Story of Stuff: Now What?

A little application goes a long way.

A neat little 20-minute video has taken over the portion of the Web made up of people who care about making a difference and saving the planet. Annie Leonard's "The Story of Stuff" is an informative look at the stuff we use everyday, how it's made, how it's sold, and ultimately, how our use of it is hurting the planet we call home.

It's simple, sticky message has enamored a lot of people. The notion that half of all tax dollars pay for missiles and guns, the idea of obsoleteness being a form of scarcity, and how the government and big business might be in cahoots with one another made me sit up and pay attention.

Leonard traces the notions of production and consumption as she shows how a product is made from raw materials, leaving destroyed natural resources in its wake. The simple black and white drawings and her calm, persuasive voice leave you infuriated with your own consumption patterns when the film ends. You feel motivated to do something. You're ready to act. You're ready to stand up and fight against the consumerist tide that has become our everyday lives.

Unfortunately, you're not left with many options.

Like Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth," a lot of information with a little action means very little changes. Education and awareness are step one. But, information without action and motivation without change only result in things staying the same.

Leonard has made a great film; I only wish she had spent as much time offering practical solutions as she did tracing the way things get made, bought and sold. I wish she had shown this world of people using laptops and iPods and couches and straws what to do with their newfound knowledge. In fact, she only spends the last minute of the film talking about another way, but she does post 10 ideas to make a difference on the Web site.

You don't really learn something if you can't teach someone else. A lot of people have seen "The Story of Stuff." I begin to wonder how many have shared not just an eye-opening video with someone else, but rather practical ways to curb our consumption. I wonder how many folks have not signed some sort of petition that could get lost on a desk in Washington, but rather made a conscious decision to spend 10% less this year, to move into a smaller house, or to go as long as possible in 2008 without buying something new.

Since "The Story of Stuff" leaves us in the lurch a bit, here are my five recommendations on how you can throw a proverbial wrench into the machine that is our economy of mass-produced goods:

• Think before you buy anything: Do I need this? Do I have something else that can do the job just as well?
• Watch packaging content. Chances are, you buy more packaging than product. Buy the alternative item if it uses less packaging.
• Ask around to see if you can borrow the thing you wish to buy. Many things we purchase, like tools or dishes are quick fixes to a one-time void or seasonal need. Make friends with your neighbors and share.
• Use Craig's List or Freecycle to lengthen the life cycle of stuff. As Leonard mentions, many things we think we want are things we don't really need. Most of the time, someone else's gently used item can become our new treasure.
• Buy handmade from local artisans. Many handcrafted items don't generate as much waste during the production process, so by purchasing one of these items, the unseen part of the process (production) will produce far less trash and pollution.

Ultimately, changing economic trends means that we act with our dollars. This is often hard to do because it's so easy to buy things. And it's usually fun (until the credit card statement arrives). But, how we spend our money says a lot about who we are. Thus, taking the necessary steps to change how we shop will, in the end, change the kind of people we wish to become.

The Revolution Hits Barnes and Noble

Our first book is now available at Barnes and Noble nationwide.

For those curious about how to get a copy of New Day Revolution at a store, it just got a lot easier.

Step 1: Visit any (yes, ANY) Barnes and Noble in America.
Step 2: Look for they're section of tables themed "Start the Year Right."
Step 3: Find the "Go Green" table.
Step 4: Take the book to the register.

It's that easy.

Better Icebreaker Question #2

What kind of art can you stand?

We've all been in those awful situations where we have to go around the room and introduce ourselves and answer some stupid question. Or those times when someone from the stage is facilitating group activities and we have to go around and introduce ourselves to everyone. No one likes to do those things, especially given the questions we're forced to answer.

And because I hate those crappy questions so much, I'm here to offer you an alternative for discussion starters, silence fillers, and introduction topics.

And, people's ideas of art always have a story involved. Some people hate art, some people don't understand it, and some people love it to the point of snobbery. And, because opinions of art are rarely worn on our day-to-day sleeves, this question allows your group to get to know each other a little bit more in-depth.

I suggest phrasing the question as I've listed above because it can lighten the mood and direct people into a similar mental framework, getting them ready to share a unique angle on art. Sure, you could get more philosophical and ask, “What artist has made the most important contribution to the collective human understanding of self?” But that would be boring and no one would talk.

By asking what kind of art people can stand, you're bound to get stories of art people can't stand, usually accompanied by a story beginning with, "One time, my wife made me go to this exhibit…" or "In second grade my class went on a field trip…" and hilarity may ensue.

But, more than anything else, you get to learn what people feel connected to. Art, like music, usually elicits something emotional in people. And, the coolest part of this will be that the art neophytes in the group (like me) will usually tell the stories of their friends who paint or take pictures, allowing new people to hear about someone trying to share their talent with the world. Most folks would rather hear something personal than some idiot ramble on about Da Vinci or Monet.

Me? I'd talk about how I really enjoy religious art, mainly from the medieval and renaissance eras. I like seeing how people long ago understood their faith and depicted it in art. I'd share how I think we're in similar positions today – we think we know a lot about spirituality, but it really just comes down to our own take on things. Just as no painting can capture all of our thoughts about something or even a glimpse of religious mystery, neither can our best attempts at describing the divine, whether we use paintbrushes or pulpits, blogs or Bibles.

Deep, huh? It's certainly more than you'd get from me telling you what my favorite TV show is.

Possible pitfalls: Not everyone loves art, and some folks just can't stand any of it. That's fine – tell them to listen to others. By the time it's their turn they'll be ready to share an experience with art that did have an impact on them. And, because our random groupings may mean that an art theory major will be alongside the president of the local Anne Geddes fan club, you may need to set some ground rules that no one will be judged for their opinions on art (however it's defined).

So far in this series: What do you think of the Melting Pot?

About the series: Better Icebreaker Questions is a series to help you have better meetings, gatherings and conversations. Use these questions during your next staff meeting, neighborhood gathering or first date. Thank my by buying something from this store.

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