The Indispensability of Communitas

Use 2008 to turn your community into communitas.

For me, 2007 may well go down as the year Lynnette and I finally found community. The great group of folks that gather and call themselves the story every Sunday night has become a welcome part of our week. We're allowed to vent, to laugh, to think, to ask and to dream. In short, we're allowed to be ourselves.

I had a conversation last week with two people trying to figure out what their group of 20-somethings needs and is looking for. That's an easy answer: they're looking for community. The trick is figuring out how to show them where it is.

I went to listen to some songwriters perform a few weeks ago. In Nashville, events like these are easy to find. What I like most about these events is listening to the stories behind the songs. Usually, you'll hear something like, "When I wrote this song with Joe and Tom…" or "As Jane and Wanda and I wrote this…" Go to enough of these and listen to enough of these stories and you'll realize that no one writes songs alone. Look at the liner notes to any CD in your collection and you'll see.

And, in Bill Gates' recent piece for the BBC, he wrote:

Communication skills and the ability to work well with different types of people are very important too. A lot of people assume that creating software is purely a solitary activity where you sit in an office with the door closed all day and write lots of code. This isn't true at all. Software innovation, like almost every other kind of innovation, requires the ability to collaborate and share ideas with other people, and to sit down and talk with customers and get their feedback and understand their needs.

In other words, we're not alone. We can't be our best alone. We need community like we need air, shoes and wi-fi.

There's a difference, however, between community and communitas. Community can simply mean some sort of loose grouping, without any kind of real connection. Our neighborhood, our city, or our classmates can be considered our community. But we can still not know anything about another person in this community.

What we need then, is communitas. This is a Latin word that describes a more intense type of community - one that usually undergoes some sort of bonding experience or rite of passage together. Fraternities and sororities are a shallow form of this, sharing a common initiation ritual. Guys who stormed the beach at Normandy and firefighters are a more intense version.

A lot of us settle for community without taking the deeper step into the wonderful mystery of communitas. We stop at the comfort of Facebook friendships instead taking the risk that comes with meeting face-to-face. We think we're connected if we have a long list of virtual buddies, but we've got wonder who will be there for us when we turn the computer off and must face the reality that is our first life.

As Rebecca Thorman says,

There's an acceptance that [changing the world] will all get done. And social media will help us do it. This idea that we can bring groups together over the Internet through blogging and Facebooking, and that it will all create change is ridiculous. It's hiring a gardener for the privilege of missing the sensation of earth between your fingers. We've created social media for the privilege of missing looking across the table at someone, face to face, secret to secret, ambition to ambition. We create online communities that secure our quasi-anonymous lives, and moan about not being able to connect with someone. When all we really have to do is simply say, "Hello."

If you want to make resolutions for 2008, let this be one: This year, I'll ditch my community and risk it all for the sake of communitas so that I may deeply know someone else as I long to be deeply known.

Better Icebreaker Question #1: Foudue or Not Fondue?

Welcome to my series of better icebreaker questions. Now you can lead better groups and get to know people better.

We've all been in those awful situations where we have to go around the room and introduce ourselves and answer some stupid question. Or those times when someone from the stage is facilitating group activities and we have to go around and introduce ourselves to everyone. No one likes to do those things, especially given the questions we're forced to answer.

I've now spent many years facilitating groups of all ages and familiarity levels. I've led large group activities for adults who have just met, and engaged in story circles with teenagers who have been together for nearly a year.

And no matter the setting, I vehemently refuse to make people say their name and their favorite movie, what kind of candy they like, or an adjective that starts with the same letter that begins your first name.

And because I hate those crappy questions so much, I'm here to offer you an alternative for discussion starters, silence fillers, and introduction topics.

Why this question is a good one: You either love or hate The Melting Pot (or any other fondue restaurant that takes too long to eat at). If you love it, it's because you like cooking your own food, or because it's supposedly romantic or simply because it's an alternative to the typical food offerings served up by a Chili's, Applebee's or O’Charley's (or anywhere else that ends with -'s and serves up a margarita where they use the restaurant's name and add -arita on the end).

If you're like me, you think it's overpriced and all you get is some undercooked chicken, some chocolate covered strawberries and clothes that smell like cooking oil for your more-than-$100 meal.

Regardless of how you feel about The Melting Pot, how often you go there, or how badly you (think) you want to go there, The Melting Pot question leads to an opinion and then to a story, which helps me know someone a lot better than the fact that they said their name was Boisterous Brian who is going to the beach with a bunny in a bobsled.

My story? I went to The Melting Pot once with the in-laws while visiting them in Texas. It was a good place to catch up after arriving in town for the Christmas holidays, but two and a half hours of dipping sticks in meat didn't really excite me. I would have rather us gathered at the coffee shop and sipped java while updating one another on recent goings on.

And, when we walked out of the restaurant and decided to gather for a family photo, a bird pooped on me.

See? A better question that elicits a good story that makes you laugh and remember me in a sea of people at a conference as the guy who doesn't care for long dinners that include bread dipped in hot cheese and who got fly-by crapped on. You know me better, have a good reminder of who I am, and can connect with me deeper than if you simply know that I like Snickers bars and baseball.

Possible pitfalls: Not everyone has been to The Melting Pot or a similar restaurant, so some folks may be excluded. One addendum can be to include in the question those hibachi restaurants, where the chef makes your chicken and beef in front of you and tosses shrimp tails behind his back and into his hat. And, if you think that people haven't been to either of these places, then use another question that I'll feature in the upcoming weeks.

About the series: Better Icebreaker Questions is a series to help you have better meetings, gatherings and conversations. Use these questions during your next staff meeting, neighborhood gathering or first date. Thank me by buying something from this store.

Download the complete guide to better icebreakers today!

The Revolution Hits Texas (Twice)

If you're in The Lone Star State, come out and see us.

If you're in Texas this weekend or next, you've got a chance to hear more about the new day revolution of which we all can be a part.

Sunday, December 30 at 9:30 AM: Discussion at the First Baptist Church of Austin

Saturday, January 5 from 11 AM to 1 PM: Book signing at the Frisco Bookworm

But What If I Love Entrepreneurship?

Should I do what I love or do what I am? But what if I want to make my passion my profession?

Yesterday, I highlighted Penelope Trunk's recent condemnation of the career advice, "Do what you love." In its place she suggests that people "Do what they are." I agreed.

But I soon began to think about entrepreneurs. Many people embrace the notion of entrepreneurship in order to do what they love. They start jobs and companies in order to turn their passion into their profession.

So are they being misguided? Should they be steered away from trying to base a business on something they love?

Or should every entrepreneurship course be prefaced with Penelope’s advice, steering budding starters away from basing a concept on a love and instead basing it on who they are?

Or, by only changing one word in a tired maxim, is Penelope really just saying the same thing?

In terms of passion, we generally become passionate about things we are good at, things that stir certain emotions, and things that are worth doing, therefore making us spend a lot of time on them. I love writing, thus I spend a lot of time doing it, thus writing is a part of who I am.

I've only started one business, and it's too soon to tell if I'm really passionate about the actual starting of something. Maybe. Probably. We'll see how many more things I start. If I start a lot of things, then I'll do it because I love it. And the more I do it and spend time on it, the more a part of me it becomes. Starting things then becomes what I am.

Because passion is indispensable in starting something. You can follow Penelope's new career advice when job-hunting, but not when company-starting. You have to absolutely love and be passionate about what you're doing when starting out, or else, you may not finish.

Passion is never enough for the entrepreneur. Jeff Cornwall and I talked over coffee recently about the intersection of passion and entrepreneurship. Jeff definitely believes that passion is important, but it's equally important to make sure that there's a market for your new venture and a margin by which you can generate money. After all, you can be your own biggest fan, but if no one's buying what you're selling, you won't be able to do much of anything else.

Jeff also likens passion to Dorothy's red slippers. In the end, for Dorothy, the way to get home was there all along. And, often times, for entrepreneurs, the way to success has also been there all along – by doing what we love.

And, what both Penelope and Jeff remind us of is that ultimately, there's more to life than what we do. Life, after all, is ultimately comprised of who we are – the relationships we value, the things we care about, and the causes we believe in.

Do what you are, and if you're thinking of being an entrepreneur, make sure you love what you're about to do. The road is long and takes unexpected turns, stops and starts, so you need a passionate love of what it is you want to do to carry you all the way through.

But, by all means, don't limit what you love to only what you do. And don't limit who you are to only what you do. Life is never only about what we do, and it will always be about who we are.

Penelope's Advice: Do What You Are

Should you do what you love or do what you are? What if both of those change?

Penelope Trunk, whom I had the pleasure of meeting a few weeks ago in Madison, has just written what I think is her best piece. She trashes the common career advice of, "Do what you love."

She takes to task the impossibility and unfeasibility of this advice, claming that:

Often, the thing we should do for our career is something we would only do if we were getting a reward. If you tell yourself that your job has to be something you'd do even if you didn't get paid, you'll be looking for a long time. Maybe forever. So why set that standard? The reward for doing a job is contributing to something larger than you are, participating in society, and being valued in the form of money.

I love the realism in this paragraph. Sure, all of us want to do what we love. But we also have so many things to do that we need. We need to eat, have a place to live, and spend time with others. So, job hunting then becomes like a Presidential election: we choose the option that's the best among a few awful choices. We pick something we can hate the least in order to do the things we love the most.

What Penelope suggests is brilliant, although not so groundbreaking: find meaning outside of your 9-to-5. She encourages readers to do stuff like build relationships and try new things. After all, all of us are, in fact, so much more than our jobs. I'm more than CoolPeopleCare, no matter how blatantly I wear that on my sleeve, my chest or my car. All of us should be more than where we spend 40 hours a week. This is why Penelope suggests that instead of waiting to do what you love, you should go ahead and do what you are. She adds, "Doing what you love will make you feel fulfilled. But you don't need to get paid for it."

But how do we even know who we are? What if we're 19 and can't pick a major because we can't answer this question? How in the world are we going to pick a career? What if we're 30 and can’t stand one more day at our current job? Do we really know who we are when we've hated what it is we do for more than half a decade? And what about when we get married or have children or lose someone close to us or experience any other major life change that radically alters our own identity and even how we view ourselves?

This is exactly why the notion of process is key. Toss your plans of finding a meaningful life out the window and replace them with a process that leads you to continually discover and rediscover who it is that you are.

By embracing the notion of process, we understand that things don't go according to plan. Anyone who's ever booked an airline ticket knows this. By embracing the idea of process, we understand that our dreams and passions will change throughout life. By taking the steps of process instead of the steps of a preconceived plan, we live a more dynamic and meaningful life as we reevaluate and reexamine who it is we want to be, and therefore, what it is we want to do.

After all, if I were doing today what I loved and who I was ten years ago, I'd be a pastor of a Southern Baptist church somewhere.

Seriously.

So yes, do what you are, but realize that will change. Thus, basing an entire career today on what you love or who you are right now is a step in a direction that may be hard to reverse once you realize you're not who you used to be. Instead, allow the transformative process that is life itself to guide you in ways that are priceless – such as building deeper relationships, forming a meaningful community, and continually becoming the kind of person you always dreamed of being.

You Must Be This Busy To Work Here

Sure, you can find things for people to do. But it's better for everyone if you can find meaningful things to do.

Today I got my car washed. I never get my car washed.

But, since Lynnette and I are driving to Fort Worth for the holidays, I thought she might enjoy sitting in a clean car for 10 hours this Saturday. And, I hadn't had it washed or vacuumed since I got it in January. I just don't care that much about a clean car. I'm not that kind of guy.

As I was waiting for the team of folks to finished scrubbing and washing, I noticed something about this particular observation. Apparently, no one was allowed to stand around. If you weren't wiping tires, spraying windshields or cleaning consoles, you needed to be doing something. At this car wash, productivity was the name of the game.

Or at least the appearance of productivity.

When you pay people by the hour, the idea of productivity looms overhead like a wicked thundercloud. Back in my hotel days, we managers had to watch our productivity like hawks. If someone wasn't needed, you were to send them home for the day. Even if they came back two hours later to serve the evening banquet, you were supposed to get them off the clock if something didn't need doing. And, if you could delicately walk the tightrope between serving the most meals with the fewest amount of hours without compromising service standards, you'd be up for a gold star and a promotion soon enough.

The good thing about managing this in a hotel conference setting is that you usually know how many people will come in on a given day. If the sales team has booked 200 for a lunch, you know how many servers and maitre d’s you need so you don't under- or over-schedule.

Not so at the car wash. You can have a rough estimate of how many people might stop by, but you're never all that sure. Certainly some days and times of the years are busier, but you never want to find yourself in a situation where you have too many cars and too few hands scrubbing and waxing.

So, at this place, if you weren't on a car, you needed to be on something. As I waited, I watched as three different people sprayed and wiped off the glass door into the waiting area in less than 15 minutes. Two other people continuously organized and reorganized the collection of sprays and cleaners at the waxing station. And on and on it went. Being busy – or at least looking busy – was important to the management in this place.

Maybe your job is like this, too, even if you're salaried. It's important that you're doing something, so you're told to find something to do, even if it's meaningless. So you shuffle papers, organize cabinets, review reports and any other thing that doesn't really need doing just so you can be doing something. But doing something and doing something meaningful are two different things.

If I ran the car wash and couldn't send people home, I'd want them working, but I'd find the right thing for them to do. I wouldn't wash the glass door so much – I'd wash the handle instead, where lots of bacteria and germs can be found. I'd train people to start conversations with customers who are waiting but don't have anything to read. I'd challenge employees to think of ways we could wash more cars in less time while improving service. I'd get them thinking of things to do while they're not doing anything.

The same challenge may exist at your office. What is it that you can get people to do when they don't have anything to do? Moving one set of papers to the other filing cabinet or sorting paperclips by color isn't what anyone needs to get paid for. But thinking of a better way to follow up with customers or developing a new process to cultivate sales leads is. It improves the overall business and it lets people think and get creative.

Don't just give someone something to do; give them something meaningful to do.

Like a Cat on My Chest

How do we get people to give more and take less?

Sometimes, when I'm lying on my loveseat, writing out a blog post or article idea or 5 Minutes of Caring piece, I'll get really into it. I'll type away, churning out brilliant idea after brilliant idea, packing as much meaning as I can into just the right amount of words. I'll be hitting my stride, where nearly every sentence comes out perfectly, where rewrites and revisions are minimal, if they exist at all.

And then my overweight cat will come and sit on my chest.

At first she'll stand there, completely blocking my line of site to the laptop screen. She'll turn around a few times, trying to find her balance amidst the inconsistencies of shape that comprise my chest and stomach. She'll continue to circle until she sits, now only blocking half of the screen. Soon enough, if I'm lucky, she'll squash herself down in a space not meant for a girl her size, finally enabling me to finish what I began.

And she could care less.

She merely swoops in at her convenience, takes center stage, and then leaves without offering much of a contribution (other than inspiring a blog post). But this is what cats are supposed to do, I think. I'm pretty sure this is how they've been since the beginning. Certainly Noah meant to leave these animals off the ark. I bet he figured he had, until the pair of them crawled out from under a bed or behind a cabinet after they'd been floating around for a week or two. Noah felt bad and fed them, and the cats then disappeared for another day or so until they came back, merely wanting food, a scratch on their chin, and then they were off to sleep for the next 18 hours.

How many of the members of our YPO are like my cat – forever taking up space and center stage while we tirelessly try to get things done for the sake of others?

This happens in any organization – not just YPOs. People join groups and nonprofit boards, associations and organizations for what they can take – not what they can give. A few connections, some good sales leads, a little recognition, and then they're gone, forever leaving the same people to clean up the same mess and plan again.

Maybe they pay a membership fee, or make up for their taking with a little bit of giving at the end of the year. But, we all face the challenge of trying to get the cat in our midst to become an elephant.

Elephants travel in packs, with the matriarch as the leader of the group. When an elephant dies, the entire group lingers until the immediate family has had a chance to say goodbye. When attacked, the group of elephants huddles together to protect the youngest members as they effectively form a force field with the newborns in the middle. Elephant groups are very closely knit. Elephants give.

The challenge for any group, and especially a YPO, is to think of ways to get our cats to become elephants. The reason this is especially crucial for a YPO is because the YPO needs to be seen as giving something to the community it calls home, and not as an organization that simply takes and takes from its local environment. Elephants group themselves and move in a herd together. No one wants to herd cats.

What are ways we can ensure that young people want to be a part of our YPO? How can we see to it that they offer the group something, instead of simply swooping in to grab center stage? What are some ideas to encourage giving and generosity amongst the members of our YPO? How do we present the need for each member to actively contribute?

How do we get the cats off our chest and replace them with elephants?

Rewind: Week of 12/10-12/14

Monday, December 10: Buy and Give Handmade

Give twice by giving handmade.

Tuesday, December 11: That's a Wrap

What is your wrapping going to be like this Holiday Season?

Tuesday, December 11: Random Acts of Christmas

Put a stranger on your list.

Wednesday, December 12: What Do You Think?

Give your kids a response when talking to them and you encourage their ability to speak freely and feel heard.

Wednesday, December 12: Expressly Yours

When ordering online, send gifts right to them.

Thursday, December 13: Parking It!

It is easy to pick up trash together as you walk to and from the park.

Thursday, December 13: Ditch the Dryer Sheet

Save some clothes washing waste with a simple household tip.

Friday, December 14: For the Birds

Easy treats to make for our fine feathered friends and bring the family together for some quality time.

Friday, December 14: Year in Review: Most Commented

It's time to talk about what you talked about.

Work Sucks

Wanted: A meaningful job

Check out this postcard from this week's PostSecret list:

With confessions like that, it's no surprise that about 80% of workers claim they're not engaged in their work.

Work sucks.

That's partly because for a lot of us, work is something we have to do in order to pay for the things we want to do. We work a job (or two or three) in order to buy the things we think we want because we saw them on TV when we can home from all those jobs.

For others of us, we're stuck working a job we just don't like all that much. And we feel like there's so much more out there. This is why we want to be entrepreneurs as we seek to turn our passion into our profession.

If any generation can change what work looks like and means, it's this generation. A lot of things will end. A lot of things will begin. And everything will be different.

While this can be attributed to a new or different economy, a lot of it is because of one simple fact: the next generation is more concerned with identity than profession. We're more focused on the type of people we want to become rather than the kind of job we want to have.

This doesn't explain all the job-hopping in and of itself. But, we move and shake and start and leave jobs because we want one that fits us. We don't leave just because work sucks. We leave because it sucks for us. We don't want the easy way out – we want the meaningful way in. We want to have jobs that mean something to us and allow us to pay for those things we need (and those things we want, too).

I ultimately left the hotel world because it didn't offer a schedule that allowed me to spend time with my wife as much as I'd like. It didn't mean I didn't want to work 50-hour weeks. I just didn't want to work them while not seeing the person I'd just married. It didn't mean I did'’t want to pay my dues (a crappy term if I ever heard one); it just meant I didn't want to pay them at a job that didn’t seem very meaningful each and every day.

The quest for a passion-based job is one that will haunt this generation. We tried a lot of things growing up (little league, ballet classes, piano lessons, science camp) in a quest to find what it was we enjoyed doing. And then in college, with newfound freedom, we hung out with who we wanted, took the classes we liked and joined fraternities and sororities and clubs doing things important to us.

Companies can add nap rooms and let me decorate my cubicle in a style of my choosing if they want to. But I'm not taking a job because you let me nap. I'm taking a job because you let me be me and find that sweet spot where my passion and my profession meet.

The next generation wants to make a difference and make meaning in the process. If a company doesn't have a chance for me to keep the most important thing the most important thing, then I need not apply.

Yes, They Do

We've got some exciting news for all you parents out there. Or anyone who knows a parent.

For most of us, they were the first people that we knew cared.

From birth, our moms taught us how to be nice, how to behave, and ultimately, how to be better people. We learned a lot from them (most of it good). But, above all, we knew that our moms cared.

This is, after all, why Stephen and I dedicated our book to our mothers.

And, some of our biggest fans from the start of the journey known as CoolPeopleCare have been parents. Because if you want to make the world a better place, you might as well want to make it a better place for your kids.

And now you can do it with your kids.

Today, we announce the launch of CoolMomsCare.org – the online resource for parents who want to make a difference with their families.

You'll find the same kind of ideas and inspiration you've grown to love for the past year on CoolPeopleCare. We've got daily, 99-word tips on how you can make a difference and instill values of caring and change among the next generation.

Take a look, find family-friendly events near you, and bring the revolution home.

Two Books You Should Read

"True to Yourself" and "The Monk and the Riddle" are two books worth putting on your shelf.

I picked up Mark Albion's book, True to Yourself after I saw it displayed near mine at the Net Impact bookstore at last month's conference.

I read it in two days.

I bought Randy Komisar's The Monk and the Riddle a few months ago at a used bookstore. I took it with me to Madison when I went to talk about turning your passion into your profession.

I read it in two days.

Because when a book is good, you want to get to the end to see how it all turns out. Some people do this with suspenseful novels. I do this with business-related books that are packed with information, ideas and stories that remind us it's not how much we make but how we're making it that really counts.

Albion's book comes out of the world of social enterprise. He showcases how founders, leaders and employees of companies can make a difference while they make products and profits. With a keen understanding of what values-based businesses look like and how they operate, Albion shows the reader not only how they can start one, but also how they can make sure it remains focused on what's important while growing and transitioning.

If you want your business to mean something, read this book.

Komisar's work is equally as valuable to the passion-based entrepreneur. Through a compelling story of one man's attempt to start, grow and sell a Web-based company, Komisar walks the reader through the steps one can take to make sure what you're doing is valuable. But, thankfully, he shows that value is not just in a balance sheet, but in a balanced life.

Komisar contrasts the Deferred Life Plan with the Whole Life Plan. In the former, you do what you have to now in order to do what you want later. In the latter, you integrate what you want to do with what you need to do. After all, if you're working for 40 years in order to do what you love when you retire, you might not make it.

Both books reminded me that now is the time to make a difference, have an impact and change the world. Both reads also take into account the realism that takes shape in the form of budgets, deadlines and other real-world parameters that too often become excuses.

But, if we are to be happy, and not just rich, if we are to be whole, and not just decorated, if we are to be meaningful, and not just admired, we must take Komisar's words to heart:

Only the Whole Life Plan leads to personal success. It has the greatest chance of providing satisfaction and contentment that one can take to the grave, tomorrow. In the Deferred Life Plan there will always be another prize to covet, another distraction, a new hunger to sate. You will forever come up short.

Work hard, work passionately, but apply your most precious asset – time – to what is most meaningful to you. What are you willing to do for the rest of your life? does not mean, literally, what will you do for the rest of your life? That question would be absurd, given the inevitability of change. No, what the question really asks is, if your life were to end suddenly and unexpectedly tomorrow, would you be able to say you've been doing what you truly care about today? What would you be willing to do for the rest of your life? What would it take to do it right now?

Do something that matters.

Three Days in Isthmus Town

A quick trip to Madison reveals that it's not the places we go, but the conversations we have, that provide the experiences we need to change the world.

The magazine said "Lake. City. Lake." I didn't think it was a very catchy slogan by any means, but who cared? I was in Madison, one of the coolest and best cities in the US, at least if numerous lists and surveys are to be trusted.

I took my inaugural trip to Wisconsin in order to speak with a group of passionate people that Madison MAGNET had brought together. More and more people had been thinking about turning their passion into their profession, and I was hoping I could be seen as one resource for young people on such a journey.

My gracious host for my time in Madison was Rebecca Thorman, who keeps a great blog at Modite, and who runs MAGNET. She showed me around town, took me to meet with the great people at United Way, and made sure everything was set for my visit.

I stayed on the campus of the University of Wisconsin, which had been blanketed by more snow than I'd ever seen in my life. It's an old and creative institution, but I didn't get to see too much of it. I was too busy talking with people about big ideas.

There was the dinner with Rebecca, Jonathan, Dale, Frank, Cynthia, Will and Kevin. Then their was coffee with Adam, Edmund, Dan and Josh.

And then sushi and drinks with Ryan Healy and Ryan Paugh of Employee Evolution. And then coffee the next day with Penelope Trunk.

I also got a chance to peak my head into the headquarters to InterVarsity to meet some of the fine folks who are trying to get students to change the world.

And there was the great talk with Allen Dines, about how his office is encouraging entrepreneurship all over the state.

And the lunch with Henry, who had a dream and made that dream come true by getting Madison MAGNET off the ground.

Sure, I visited the coffee shops and restaurants and bars and a museum and the capitol and some little shops, but for me, I realized that the memories come not from the places we visit or events we attend, but from the experiences we're a part of.

Do something today that gives you an experience – a chance to do something unique in order to become somebody meaningful. Chances are, conversations will shape these experiences.

Because changing the world still happens best when we meet each other face-to-face. It always has.

Everyone Wants to Live in Madison

And so I asked people this question whenever I met them – What was it about Madison that made it work so well for so many people?

At least that's what the guy said as we were sipping drinks at a local bar.

I was on my first ever trip to Madison last week. Many cities are good enough to have people brag about them. Indeed, this is to be expected in most places. But Madison is one of those cities that always makes the lists of cool places to live, best places for young people, and best place that ever existed in the history of the world.

But just because a city makes a list doesn't guarantee its growth or prosperity. What's hot today could very well be cold tomorrow. And this is what prompted me to ask the question that was answered with the proclamation that became the title of this post.

And so I asked people this question whenever I met them – at their office, at cool coffee shops, at trendy bars, and at dinner and unique restaurants. I asked it over lunch and when I met folks for the first time. What was it about Madison that made it work so well for so many people?

I wanted to know because whatever was in the water of the two big lakes up there I wanted to bring back to Nashville and then bottle it and sell it to every city that's trying to make lists and attract and retain young talent. Because if it were something as simple as fabulous places to eat or fun things to do, than any city could become Madison overnight.

But that wasn't quite it. After all, even if everyone wanted to live in Madison, not everyone could fit. It's like they used to joke in the church world: If you think you've found the 'perfect' church, don't join it – you might ruin it.

It didn't take me long to realize that what makes a city attractive to young talent isn't the things or the places, but the people who call it home. Restaurants come and go, bars open and close, and sports team start and leave. If a city lives and dies by its nightclubs or happy hours, a few unhappy customers or disinterested patrons can mean that what was once cool is now just plain ordinary.

Instead, what makes a city the kind of place 'everyone wants to live in' is the people who are able to discern the fine line between being a citizen and being a resident. As Jerry Abramson, the decorated mayor of Louisville told us at the YP Summit a few months ago, "Cities will be far better off if they make it easy for people to be citizens (who vote, support local business, volunteer) than residents (people who simply work or live somewhere and not much else)."

As far as I could tell in my very brief time, Madison is a place where people take citizenship quite seriously. While there, I met people who care about the city and want to see that Madison remains a place that young people want to move to and stay a while. They want to make it a community of citizens and not a place of residents.

If you want to make your city a place where everyone wants to live, you've got to build something. But if you just focus on places to go, you're missing what can be built when you provide experiences for people to be citizens – to participate in events and happenings that make them better people - and in turn - your city a better place.

Night spots and great food are fun for a lot of people, but the next day, you're always left wanting more. As much as I relished in the chance to eat at new places and visit new stores, what I took away most from my time in Madison were the chances I had to meet other people and engage in conversations about entrepreneurship, life/work balance, changing the world, and making a difference. These are all the kinds of things that citizens talk about.

Just because everyone wants to live in your city doesn't mean they want to become a citizen. Residency is step one. Citizenship is every step after that in the very long journey towards being a remarkable city.

Rewind: Week of 12/3-12/7

Monday, December 3: The GiveCard

Use the GiveCard to give a different kind of gift card.

Tuesday, December 4: Give Me a Hand (To Wash)

It's National Handwashing Awareness Week.

Wednesday, December 5: Volunteer: International Edition

Join folks around the world today and help out.

Thursday, December 6: The Warm Up

Save some gas by starting your car right up.

Friday, December 7: Year in Review: Most Viewed

It’s time to talk about the most popular ideas we’ve shared.

There's a Rumbling

Passion is key for anyone looking to start something new. It's not all you need, but it's a big part of what's necessary when you set out on your own. Finding the right balance of passion and realism is key.

Last night, I stood up in front a room full of young people, all trying to figure out how to live and work their passion.

I had the extreme privilege of meeting people who are passionate about their life, their values, their beliefs and their dreams, and are really trying to figure out a way to make it all work.

For many (including myself), that way to make it work is by charting a new course, paving a new path, or doing something newly different. I saw it again last night – the nearly tangible desire of some to break out of the way things have always been done in order to both do it differently and make sure their 9-to-5 means a heck of a lot more than a paycheck.

Entrepreneurship is not for everyone, and this is a disclaimer I'm always sure to throw out there whenever I talk about the topic. Some of us don't need to set out on our own. For some of us, we can live our passions just fine without having to figure out how to make them profitable.

But, for many young people today, the best way to do that is to start a business, a nonprofit, a church or an organization. And, central in that is the idea of passion.

And so that's why I'm in Wisconsin right now. That's why Allen Dines and I could have talked for hours this morning about the growing movement and interest he's seeing in college students to start their own businesses. That's what has led him to be involved in the Wiscontrepreneur program. And it's something that he knows is not going away.

That's the thing about passion – it's always there with us. For some of us, we wear it on our sleeves and those who know us know that we're about something, whether it's making the best cup of coffee, raising money for breast cancer, or redefining how people experience religious community. For others of us, it's just below the surface, bubbling up every now and then in our random conversations or when we hear a certain song on the radio.

Because when you have a passion, you know it. And there's no way you can't not follow it.

But passion is never all we need. It's the first thing you need during the early stages of start up, but it alone won't get you to the finish line. It may not even get you to step 2. As Robert Greenleaf so eloquently pointed out:

Not much happens without a dream. And for something great to happen, there must be a great dream. Behind every great achievement is a dreamer of great dreams. Much more than a dreamer is required to bring it to reality; but the dream must be there first.

And so the entrepreneur has the rumbling within of a passion and the reality without of a plan. Balancing his or her passion with realism is the best route towards success and sustainability.

Because, as I mentioned last night, passion is wonderful – like when you visit your parents and your mom decides to make pancakes. You sleep in and mosey on downstairs to the smell of maple syrup and frying dough. You take your seat at the table and she drops a half-dozen flapjacks on your plate. You're excited inside, trying to hold it all in while you devour those tasty treats. And, as soon as you finish, you glance at the counter and realize she's made a stack of 30 of those suckers. You do your best to down a few more, but soon enough, you start to hate pancakes and never want to eat anymore.

Passion is like pancakes: you can only take it in the right doses. Six are great, but any more than 10 and you're just sick of 'em.

When you have too much passion that isn't balanced with realism, you either race rapidly to your own demise, or your become a workaholic, perhaps the very thing you were trying to avoid by becoming your own boss. Jeff Cornwall expresses this point so clearly and passionately better than I can.

But after everything is said and done, the passion has to be discovered, named, and pursued. I make some suggestions on how to do that here in what I term not a plan, but a process. We need to consistently process our thoughts and dreams and passions in order to figure out what is the best way to pursue them at any given time.

That rumbling you're feeling right now? Listen to it, and if it's time, follow it.